Updated: Feb 4
Where Have You Been?
This is the question I have been asking myself. Where have I been?
Not just in the sense of in the physical world, but in the mental and spiritual world. The last few weeks watching the chaos and destruction occurring from the war in Ukraine, the baby formula shortage, the attack on women’s rights, the murder of Black people in Buffalo to the slaughter of children sitting in their classroom took me into a dark depressive spiral. I felt like I couldn't come out.
Things that helped keep me going were the smiles my son would give me when I would sit next to him, my Remy dog cuddling up next to me in bed, and my husband bringing flowers home on my deceased sister’s birthday. These moments have brought me glimpses of happiness. In a world, with such hurt, harm, and disarray I could still look to the people I love the most for comfort.
One of the la Latina Mi’ja archetypes that I have shared in Latina Inner Peace Transformation is La Fuerte. The one who keeps it all together because no one else can keep it together. La Fuerte makes sure everyone else is ok at the expense of their own emotional, physical, or spiritual trauma. Yo, that is me to a T. I always show up for everyone. My mask of kept-togetherness has become so familiar to me. The hurt and pain I can carry have been hidden from those around me.
I am grateful for the gift of meditation and reflection. As I sat down to reread my description of La Fuerte I had to stop. Who was I to say that other Latinas should be aware of these tendencies? Who was I to say that we could come out and transmute our pain to become La Chingona? I was not feeling that way at ALL!
So, during meditation, I recognized these patterns of starting to spiral, turning away from telling people how I REALLY felt, and just trying to keep it together for everyone else. Now, I am reaching out to my therapist, connecting with other Latinas on a soul level, and moderating my consumption of the 24-hour news cycle.
Meditation is about sitting with those obsessive thoughts I am trying to avoid and observing them non-judgementally.
For me, meditation is not about “clearing your mind”. Meditation is about sitting with those obsessive thoughts I am trying to avoid and observing them non-judgementally. My behavior changes were symptoms of a larger issue. It’s easy to just self-medicate with mindless social media scrolling, pero that isn’t going to help me. I am so glad to be able to come back to my soul-self by being upfront with what I have going on not just to others, pero to myself too. Asking for help is not a weakness. It is a strength of trust that others are going to be there when you fall to support you the way back up.
Reach out immediately for help if you or someone you know is suffering from a mental health crisis or suicidal thoughts.
Resources to Call
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. 800-273-8255
National Coalition Of Anti-Violence Programs: 212-714-1141 (English And Spanish)
GLBT National Youth Talkline: 800-246-7743
Trans Lifeline: 877-565-8860
GLBT National Hotline: 888-843-4564
Resources to Text
Crisis Text Line – The Crisis Text Line offers 24/7 emotional support and information support to teens in any type of crisis, including suicide, by trained volunteers via texting. You can text with a trained specialist 24 hours a day. Text HEAL to 741741 to start a conversation.